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Play Party Etiquette: The Rules of the Dungeon

By Ivy Calloway · Community organiser · Published 22 August 2026

A play party runs on rules nobody prints anywhere, and knowing them is most of what turns first-night nerves into a good evening. The etiquette of the dungeon, laid out plainly, follows.

The first rule swallows most of the others: never touch anyone, or their gear, without explicit permission. That covers people mid-scene, their toys, their rope. Ask every time, and take no for a complete answer. It’s the same negotiation ethic that runs through all healthy kink.

Watching scenes

Watching is usually welcome, within manners. Give a scene physical space, don’t crowd it or narrate it, and never insert yourself into one you weren’t invited into. And no phones or cameras, which is about as close to a universal, non-negotiable rule as the scene has.

Respect the dungeon monitors

DMs, the dungeon monitors, are there to keep the party safe. Follow their direction, respect their call, and treat them as allies rather than bouncers. If something looks off to you, flagging it to a DM is exactly the right move.

Clean up after yourself

Wipe down any equipment or furniture once you’ve finished with it. It’s basic hygiene and basic courtesy. Leave it the way you’d want to find it.

Discretion

Who you see at a party stays at the party. Outing someone is a serious breach, and discretion is a big part of the trust that lets these spaces function at all. See building safe spaces.

Negotiate before you play

Sort out limits, safewords and expectations before a scene starts, not partway through. See what a play party is, and go to your first one planning to watch and learn rather than to perform.

Read the house rules

Every venue writes its own rules. Read them, and ask if anything’s unclear. Turning up informed and respectful really is all it takes to be welcome.

In practice

Play party etiquette comes down to a short list: consent, so you never touch people or gear without asking; space, so you never crowd or interrupt a scene; no photography; respect for the DMs; cleaning up; and discretion. Regulars enforce it gently and welcome any newcomer who has clearly read the rules. Break the big ones, touching without consent, outing someone, filming, and you get removed and barred.

For beginners

Treat your first play party as a night to observe, not necessarily to play. Ask before you touch anything or anyone, give every scene a wide berth, keep your phone away, and introduce yourself to a DM. Read the venue's rules ahead of time, err toward politeness, and you will be both welcome and safe. That is genuinely all it takes.

For experienced members

By this point the etiquette is automatic: clear consent, respectful spectating, tidy cleanup, discretion. Experienced players quietly help newcomers pick it up, knowing a good party only runs when everyone honours the unwritten rules. They back the DMs, and they treat a consent breach or a hidden camera as exactly the serious violations they are.

FAQ

What are the rules of a play party?

The core rules: never touch anyone or their gear without explicit permission, don't interrupt or crowd a scene in progress, respect the dungeon monitors (DMs), clean up equipment after use, keep negotiation and consent explicit, and be discreet about who you see. Etiquette varies by venue, so read the party's rules and ask if unsure.

Can you watch other people play at a play party?

Usually yes, watching is part of the experience, but with etiquette: give scenes space, don't crowd or comment, never touch the players or their gear, and don't use phones or cameras (a near-universal rule). Watch respectfully from a reasonable distance, and never insert yourself into a scene you weren't invited into.